Each week we’ve been at home, people have expressed different feelings that resonated with me. Each week has had its own primary experience, including fear, anger, resentment, frustration, and sadness. This week, for the first time during the pandemic, people spoke of well-being and comfort. They acknowledged the difficulties, and then identified something positive or connecting. One client said, “I have lost three people close to me. It is not a distant theoretical thing anymore. But I am enjoying my house and spending time with my kids and making soup or baking together. It’s OK that I grieve and enjoy them at the same time.” Another client with young children said that she feels like her family needed this time together, and another said she feels relief at not being in the rat-race of her normal life.
I am so glad to hear there are times of appreciation and connection. We are adjusting to a new cadence of living. Cadence is the regular, repetitive motion of our lives. We each have our own daily cadence and we have a group cadence with our families. One big challenge during the pandemic has been the sudden loss of our usual cadences.
Cadence provides a structure we find comforting. Each day, we move seamlessly from one cadence to another. We join step with others when we come together. We have a cadence at home and we join a different one at the gym, at work, at our favorite restaurant, or playing cards with friends. We also have communal cadences with seasonal rituals that frame our lives. Many of these are gone this year. Our high school seniors might particularly feel the pain of these losses.
When cadences change, emotions arise. But we continuously adjust to new cadences. We do this regularly in our everyday lives, like when we get a new job or begin dancing lessons. Cadences also change when we lose a loved one or get diagnosed with a chronic illness. We adjust. We get used to the changes. We move forward and create new cadences. As a mental health professional, I know these transitions are much easier once we acknowledge our deep feelings to ourselves, and especially when people we love acknowledge them too. We usually need to acknowledge these feelings before we can see the good parts of life.
It took five weeks of being home before I heard the first glimmers of positivity from my clients. Is it OK to feel positive during these difficult times? The answer is yes. Enjoy every moment of goodness. You deserve it.