What should we have for dinner? No, not that. No not that, either. How about…??? Nothing appeals to me. What I want for dinner is to sit down at a restaurant and eat something that tastes different than what we have been eating for 7 weeks. Just something different.
I have quarantine fatigue. Anyone else?
I am fortunate that I have what I need. We have mastered the curbside pick-up. We have more groceries than we have had in our house in years. But all I want is to go out to dinner. It is my favorite way to relax and unwind. Just a Coney, or a diner, nothing fancy. I have learned that for two people, it might be cheaper than cooking, but anyways, where was I??
Oh yes, I have quarantine fatigue. My brain is foggy. I have trouble finding comfort in anything. It feels like I constantly notice what’s not there rather than the abundance of what is there. The weather is gray. This is excruciating.
I think of the wonderful events that were to happen this spring and how they have been dramatically changed or cancelled. How can that be? How do we honor our high school graduate without a graduation? How do we welcome a new baby in our family without the family waiting room experience? The bat mitzvah is postponed. The nursery school graduation is cancelled.
I have quarantine fatigue. I was doing so well keeping myself afloat and helping others to do so, but this week is harder. I know feelings usually last from 30 to 90 seconds and the vast majority of my minutes are still neutral or positive, but this hard place seems more frequent this week. Difficult times can trigger what I call hamster wheel thinking, where we spin around in negative thoughts and we might feel hopeless and powerless.
These feelings are normal. This is what happens when tragedy strikes, and this IS a tragedy. Whether or not you have lost someone close to you, we are all mourning losses from this pandemic. It is ok to mourn. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross helped us understand the Five Stages of Grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I think I have dipped into the depression stage and, as I have talked to my clients this week, it seems to be a common experience.
The thing about the hamster wheel is that it can make us believe what we feel in it is real. It’s NOT!! That is what quarantine fatigue can do to us. What’s real is that there are challenges in our world right now, and we are still the same strong, resourceful people we were last week.
One thing I have enjoyed over the past seven weeks is watching people do their TV shows from home. I have a new respect for those who have allowed us to see a tiny corner of their lives and their true selves, without stage make-up and in their natural habitats. Maybe they are in the acceptance stage. Maybe they think, “It is what it is, and I still want to do what I do.” That is acceptance. It is a willingness to tolerate difficult or unpleasant situations. We can step out of the hamster wheel and return to our tolerance. I know you’ll get there!!
In Alcoholics Anonymous, they talk about “life on life’s terms.” It means that when life shows up, we are willing to accept it. We are willing to move from the denial or anger or self-pity or self-loathing of the hamster wheel to acceptance. Our view of the world changes when we do this. We move from arguing with life to living it. Are you willing? I know I am. And I know we’ll get there!